In search of Halloween hotness

My pal Christa Paige had a blog post topic last night and was skimming the 'webs with the topic "Halloween Hotties." Like a loyal friend, I tried to help out. It hurt us, precious. Srsly. But all that web-wandering did lead to …

What I Learned Whilst Trying to Find Content for a "Halloween Hotties" Blog Post

1. Men don't dress up sexy on Halloween. They dress up gross or evil or political or frightening or hilarious. Not sexy.

2. Pirates who aren't Johnny Depp kind of look like extras in a cheap production of Peter Pan.

3. Fabio is not and never was hot. His imitators are significantly less so.

4. There's something to be said for a kilt.

5. The reason why guys don't wear leather pants is that you have to buy all sorts of powder and slime and stuff to get the damn things on and off. This getting-off problem is a complication most randy gals do not want to deal with.

6. It isn't the foam padding that makes Tony Stark turn into Iron Man.

7. A hula skirt and a pineapple do not a Sawyer from Lost make.

8. Guys don't know how to apply make-up. Therefore, they should keep it the heck away from any sensitive areas.

9. Any Google Image search that takes the form of "sexy male ____ costume" and includes fill-in-the-blanks such as "cop," "cowboy," or "pirate" inevitably yields pictures of the Village People.

10. Mmmm, guyliner.

In sum, I do hope you all have a safe Halloween, get lots of candy, and lick lots of lollipops. Stay spooky.